Got a new crack in my heart...

I believe there are days that leave small cracks in your heart... Today was one of those days...

In Loving Memory

Bucky "Rooni" Atteberry

August 1993 - July 31, 2008

This was a sad day in our house. Bucky was 15 years old and Rain and I have known the inevitable was on it's way. Today happened to be that day. I take comfort in the fact that it no longer hurts him to lay down or get up. It's not awkward for him to walk in the grass and he's got no problems going up just one step anymore. He can see where he's going up there and hear everybody just fine. He'll never be too hot or too cold. Bucky was a very patient and tolerant dog. I don't think I'll come across another dog that has his temperment. He saw us through four moves, three kids, three other dogs and six cats - not including Zowie. Zowie decided to be Bucky's "mother" when he was a puppy and up until his very last days, he would lick his paws and try to clean his face like a cat! He will be greatly missed. Heaven was granted one precious soul today. Your memories will never fade. We love you Bucky!

Mystery Man is too young really to fully understand. The Old Soul did better than I thought he would today. I think he was trying to be strong because his mother was such an emotional wreck. Born Cool was by my side for most of the day with a constant tear in his eye. Rain and I have been pretty unkept for most of the day. Well, he's at my parent's house under one of the only dogwood trees that still blooms in the woods. That will be a good place as that tree is always so beautiful in the spring.

Sorry to be a downer. I just had to get it out... Tomorrow will be a new day. Until then... Here's hoping some of you guys have posted something funny for me to find today!

Tell me I'm NOT going to have problems...

First off, some very exciting news... After an entire summer of constant persuasion, Mystery Man is jumping off the pool and swimming to me!! He's soooo proud... And so am I! We've been working all summer long - in the kick ass Y pool no doubt, and it's finally paid off. Whew... Right here at the end. Right before they've got to go back to school.

School starts next week. I'm pretty excited about it. The kids aren't so much, but that's okay. Mystery Man starts kindergarden. He thinks it's cool that he'll be going to the same school as Born Cool who starts the 3rd grade. The Old Soul starts 8th which I still don't believe. I don't believe I'm old enough to have an 8th grader - or a 13 year old for that matter. The only one I'm a little concerned about is Born Cool. He is exactly that. Cool. At 8 years old. I don't understand nor can I relate. I don't know if I was ever "cool", but he's just that. It's a little scary to me. He's one of the funniest kids I know; and if you meet him, you love him. He's always saying off the wall stuff like last night at dinner - 'Oh yeah, this garlic stuff is good. Everybody that has electricity probably eats garlic stuff'. What? He met this kid at the pool and a few minutes later I heard the kid tell his mom, 'This kid is talking to me like he's known me all his life'. The little girls stare and giggle at him and he just smirks and rolls his eyes. He thinks bad words are hilarious and they induce a constant giggle from him. Here's something I found in his agenda last year...

It's scary enough to me that he spelt it right, but used it right, in a real smart ass way... When I found that, it was all I could do to keep from busting out.

Yep, I should have named him "Pay Back"... Tell me he's the one that's not going to give me the most grief! Third grade should be very interesting...

Ouch!! This hurts...

Yesterday was a full day. And I'm tired. I woke up, cut the back yard, took the Old Soul to the Y to work out and then met up with Rain and the other two to go swimming. First off I gotta say, if you've got a Y near you, I bet they've got a kick ass pool. Mine does. It's got that 'graduated entry' like you're at the beach (just no sand - ha), there's two water slides, a really tall water mushroom and a misty water thing and this other thing that squirts water up and in all different directions. I love it.

So, Rain has been hounding the Old Soul to "start working out". He's 13, okay, but whatever. The Old Soul has been getting up every morning and running to the lake in our neighborhood and back. Then, Rain instructed him to do 100 push-ups and sit-ups every day. I'm sorry but I think that's crap. I think it would be different if Rain did something besides just think about doing a sit-up. I also don't believe in 'barking orders'. I'm more of a 'lead-by-example' kinda parent. Enough ranting...

I took him to the Y to work out. I quit working out when my heart started flipping out and have been kinda scared to go back. Any rate, he and I went and had a really good workout. He felt good and I felt good. It was good to go back and realize that it'll just be a-ok for me to work out again. I guess, once again, the Old Soul has shown his mother something. And, today, I'm feeling that lesson. Ouch... Yes, it does hurt. In a good sort of way though... I'm kinda excited about out little workout embarkment we're going on together. All I have to say is.... people, get your tickets early... the gun show is on it's way - ha!

I'm always so proud of my yard when I'm done with it. It's just one of those things you do; and then you're done, and you can go, damn, I did a fine job. Always like seeing something to the end. Cutting the yard is instant gratification for me. Here's a picture of it... I'm like a proud mamma...




And, here's something I found while working in the back yard. Everyone has stupid fears. Mine is moths. You may think they're okay or they're pretty or that they're even interersting. I happen to think they are the spawns of Satan. They fly around all confused and manic. I hate them. And, I'm passionate about this hate. You may think this guy is cool. It took everything I had not to kill it. It is, after all, a living being. As a 'Creature of Light' (seen Ace Ventura?), I do have a hard time killing anything... Let me know what you think...

Whatcha gonna do?

So, my Wally-World trip ended up surprisingly well. Not too crowded, not too busy... as perfect as it can be I guess. I even walked out and found my car in probably less than 3 minutes. I don't know if anyone else struggles with that, but I can never find my car when I leave a store... be it Wally-World, Kroger, Target, etc. My little Nissan is a little older and she doesn't have any fancy beeping things or automatic trunk openers. So, I just have to hunt and hunt and hunt. In the land of really big cars and trucks, she just likes to hide. It's a little scary. It makes me think that I'm going to have to leave breadcrumbs when I go to the store by the time I'm 70...

Anyway, I saw a girl there yesterday wearing a shirt advertising a court reporting school. Many moons ago, I was in a court reporting school. And it was fun. And I was really good. And I was pretty sure I was going to make piles of money. Alas, I has just had Old Soul and decided going to school with a kid was really hard (little did I know...) and I took a semester off. Needless to say, I ended up getting jury duty. And I ended up on a malpractice suit for 7 days. Actually, I was quite surprised that I got selected. I've got this pacemaker and am pretty dependant on doctors and with that involving a doctor and all... Well, you get it. Anyway, all I have to say is hat's off to all you court reporters. I watched her on and off for 7 days. She didn't move. She didn't smile. She didn't frown. She didn't sneeze. She didn't cough. She didn't look up or down or to the side or anywhere except her little machine. You go girl. I knew immediately I was not cut out for that. I'm way too fidgety, way too curious, and way too social. After the trial, I couldn't get to the attorneys and judge fast enough for some interesting conversation. Turns out, the judge went to high school with my mom. We ended up getting an invite to his birthday party that year in a rented out building in the city and it was "uber" fancy and important social scene. How about that! So, that left me with, 'well, whatcha gonna do now?' So, I laid low. I worked on and off, but have been fortunate to stay home for a while every time the pregnancy stick ended up positive. Back up to the pacemaker. Yeah, I got that little jewel January 1993. Always thought that was interesting. I also had a cardiac ablation this past March which was super cool. My doc used magnetically guided cath wires to navigate around in my heart with a joystick. You may not think that's very cool; but as far as I'm concerned, I'm well on my way to becoming the bionic woman. So, I decided to go to nursing school. Yeah, I could eventually get into cardiology. Fast forward and finish the first semester. Consequently, Rain got a job "back home" (near MY home - he had taken me away kicking and screaming) and I had to pull out of the program. Damn... Things happen for a reason I've always believed. So, move, get settled and start looking around at nursing schools. Hey, I stumbled across a cardiovascular tech program at a college that has a campus about 8 minutes from my house. Bam. Decision made. Applied, got accepted on the spot, moving forward. So, I've been in school this past year and I know that when I get out, to me, I'm going to have the coolest job I could ever have. It'll put me in a cath lab, where I wanted to begin with. And, yeah, I know I won't make as much money as a nurse does. I already know that. Yeah, I could have gone through nursing school and gotten in a cath lab eventually. But, I won't have to deal with everything else either. I'll get to be on the interventional side of it which is where I want to be.

So, my question is this. Do you have the coolest job EVER? Are you so crazy psyched to get up and go to work in the morning? Be it whatever... teacher, ditch digger, biologist, pharmacist, appraiser, receptionist, whatever. I had a conversation with a friend a while back and he said you should be passionate about what you do. I totally believe it. Do you?

Oh, and by the way, just LOOK at this picture. I took it with my phone. It doesn't do her justice. Do you see what I'm talking about? Look how perfect and simple and beautiful she is. She's in my garden. Isn't she cool?

Addicted much?

I could see where this could get quite addicting. Just putting thoughts out there for whoever to look at... It's kinda voyeuristic, don't you think? I kinda like it...

Today will be one of just taking care of business... grocery shopping, laundry, etc... The weekly visit to Wally-World. I don't know anyone that likes going, but they just pull you in. Don't they? What's their motto? 'Live Better. Spend Less'? They should add 'Dodge stockers who don't feel the need to give you any room, try not to run into any other shoppers' carts because they're not paying attention because they're on the cell phone, remember to smile politely at the cashier regardless of how they're feeling today...' Whatever, ha!

So, yesterday I discovered the wonderful world of a webcam. I have a friend, CWS, in another town and we took a stab at hooking up. We got the cameras working, but not audio yet. I'm positive we'll get it worked out today. If you've never used one of these cameras, you've probably been blase about it, just like I've been. Well, I hooked this thing up and got everything rolling. Sitting there on my bed, I watched our little screens pop up; and BAM!! There sitting in front of me was someone that lives miles and miles away. It was kind of like discovering something when you were a kid for the first time. I felt like I was 8 or something - like I have this new little secret that's all my own. I can plug my webcam up and see CWS whenever they acquiesce. I can open up my own little secret world. Very cool... I called all my out of town family that night and told them to go buy a webcam. That way, I won't get bugged about going to another state all the time, maybe... In the meantime, I'm going to walk around with my little fist tightly clenched holding my new little toy with my smug little smile. I'm not sharin'... ha!

Here goes...

Well, a recent trip down memory lane which included a run-in with a darling friend of a mere 29 years has prompted this attempt at 'blogging'... First off, how many people can say they've ran into a friend of 29 years?? How many people start kindergarden together? Needless to say, my conception of 'being old' started changing as soon as I walked out of high school. And it is high school that prompted this trip down memory lane... A couple of weeks ago, I went back to my old high school for a 'Farewell Tour'. The building is absolutely beautiful and has been standing proud for 90-something years. Egregiously, it's being demolished. I don't like to talk about it. As I've said before (not that you would know at this point), it feels like something's reaching and squeezing my heart when I think about the whole matter. Regardless, I walked out with a set of lockers. MY set of lockers. Locker #3 still has my name written in it - you know how you make letters with little dots on the ends of each letter? Yep, that's mine...


Flower Girl... A little cliche', don't you think? But, have you really looked hard at a flower or really thought about a flower? Have you ever wished you were a beautiful little flower there, sitting in the garden soaking up the dew at night only to bask in the sun all day and give some little bug some shade? I revel in their simplicity. Life is so comlicated. How cool would it be to just be simple, just like that little flower. I have a flower necklace. Here it is...

I never take it off. It's simple and each petal has a value on it that I hold near and dear. And, I collect other flowers to wear. Like the one I bought at the French Market on a recent and quite suprising trip to New Orleans. And, yes, that flower gets to visit the other flower I wear when I put it on my chain. There are lot of other flowers that I wear. But, there's my mainstay always there to remind me what I value most in life. So, yeah, Flower Girl is a little cliche' on the surface, but, really is it? I think it all boils down on how you view yourself.

Well, I'm done with that tangent... Don't expect me to get that deep on a regular basis. Here goes, I guess. We'll see how this goes... Could be very interesting...