Thursday, August 28, 2008

Making yourself obsolete...

So, I decided to make a list for all husbands, and otherwise, to take note of. I was lounging in the living room with Rain yesterday while the kids were at school and he was teaching me something new... (ha! put your mind in the gutter, didn't I??)

No. It wasn't anything like that. He was teaching me to re-load shotgun shells. Hence forth, here's a list, guys, of things your wife or girlfriend probably has no interest in learning unless she asks. Besides, once she does learn a lot of stuff like this... Well, you're making yourself obsolete... Oh, you say, we'd still need you in the bedroom... While there is nothing like the real thing, there are some pretty kick ass "toys" out there... They would do a fine job of holding someone over until the "real thing" came along... ha!

Unless she shows a genuine interest, your wife/girlfriend does not need to know how to...

General...

  • Re-load shotgun shells. (Obviously, this is first b/c I just learned how)

  • Replace the "compresser start relay" in the air condition box outside so her kids don't suffocate in July

  • Fix a damaged dryer vent

  • Do anything with a pilot light on the water heater or how to light the pilot on the other wierd unit in the attic that makes a lot of noise so you can have heat in the dead of winter

  • Take care of any "assembling" of anything in the house, ie - futons, desks, soda tables, etc
Concerning cars...
  • She should never have to go to an auto parts store and argue with the guy about how he's trying to sell her something that's not a real "idler belt pulley" or some other part. God forbid, she take her digital camera in the store with a picture she's taken just to prove the guy wrong.

  • She does not need to know what a "serpentine" belt is or what exactly happens to the car when that belt breaks

  • She does not need to know how to do a brake job

  • She does not need to know "in theory" how to replace a radiator. It's so freakin' easy... Why the hell do they charge so much?

  • If her cigarette lighter stops working, she should not know it's the fuse; or how to replace it

  • She does not need to know what an engine mount looks like, much less, help install one

  • She does not need to know how to take the radiator cap off and put water in the radiator when the car is still running

I'm just sayin... I'm not bitchin or anything. Honestly, I think it's quite funny... I mean, you force her to learn how to do this stuff.... You better still be able to make her laugh like hell or something...

However, Joaquin, if you're reading this and need a brake job blow job, I'll be right over - haha. Sorry, I couldn't resist...

Off the subject, if you haven't checked this guy out yet, you should. He had a funny piece about squirrels the other day. In honor of that post and I told him I'd find this picture, here's the meanest ass squirrel you could ever come across... He lives in my parent's yard... My mom wanted to know why he was so mean... A squirrel with NO cover... However, I would love to have caught him and tamed him to be my pet...



Speaking of pets, I've found my next pet... Check this OUT!! This web site on Savannah Cats is awesome and I'm in love... Apparently, they breed Serval wild cats into domestic cats... Check this picture out of somebody's cat in CA... You put these guys on leashes and walk them around and teach them how to fetch.


Anyway, after I get a job, I'm going to get a big ass cat and drive around in a bad ass convertible... This little town will never be the same... Ha..ha..ha..ha.. (evil laugh)

9 comments:

MamaNeena said...

I am totally in love with your list!!! That just made my day.

Lipstick said...

OMG...I am LMAO about the "break job" for Joaquin!!! That is hysterical!

What a list. I have no such list b/c Mr. Lipstick just gets tired of me saying, "huh?" over and over.

morewineplease said...

love the lists!!!! I could add some, that have to do with musical instraments...

Shan said...

Oh ya, I am with you, slightly different list though. If your husband taught you all that maybe you need to teach him how to flat iron your hair or give you a brazilian wax, LOL

georgie said...

oooooo great list I can add one...your wife doesnt NEED to sit through the outdoor channel with you giving her a play by play of what that call is OR why it's important to own winter camo yiyiyi

I bet you'd be the coolest "CAT" in town driving around in a convertible with one of them beauties!

georgie said...

pssssst I left you a lil omething on my blog

Da Old Man said...

That is some freaky looking squirrel. Thanks for posting it.

Brittany said...

Listen, I am going to make copies of this and distribute it to all the males in my family.

Hannah D. said...

What a great post! That list is too funny and all too true... Blondie hasn't subjected me to any "man-teachings" yet but I'm sure it's only a matter of time...

PS - I know someone with one of those "cats"... scariest thing ever